miriam beth

we know we've lost sight of the reason for modesty in the church (of jesus christ of latter day saints). we know that telling young girls that they're the reason young boys are having sexual thoughts is wrong. we know that when we obsess over necklines and skirt lengths we're sexualizing girls. when we tell them that "modest is hottest" we're focusing on their bodies, their clothes. we're letting them know we're noticing them, but not their kindness, or their integrity, their strength or their authenticity--their clothes. their bodies. the stuff that literally doesn't matter. when we tell them boys notice, that those boys are thinking sexual thoughts about them, we're telling them that they've got this responsibility--people are thinking things about them based on their appearances--and these things can be bad.

all of this has been said before (well, i might add. read this post, and this post and listen to this podcast). the thing that i always struggle with is this: now what? if we all agree that modesty isn't about being responsible for the thoughts of others, or judging the appearances of one another, then what is the point of modesty?

i have an idea: let's not talk about it. let's not obsess. let's try something else. let's just be happy these young women are here. let's build them up so much they don't rely on the bodies to bring them attention or identity. and if they choose to use their bodies to bring themselves attention and identity, we respect that and don't spend all our time hovering around them, telling them how wrong they are and how disappointed we-- and even worse, god--are.

there's this thing called enclothed cognition. it's based off this idea that our physical experiences are shaping our mental experiences. listen to this: these two scientists at northwestern university did this experiment where they split a group in to two: one half got a lab coat and the other half had only their street clothes. the group in the lab coat made half the mistakes the street clothes group made. then they did this other experiment with three groups of people: group one was told to wear a doctor's lab coat, group two was told to wear an artist's white coat, and the third group was shown a doctor's lab coat that was in the room with them, but they did not wear. guess which group did the best?

the conclusions were this: clothing holds symbolic meaning. the clothes we wear can influence our confidence, our attitude, our mood. people who get up and put their workout clothes on are twice as likely to get a workout in before the day ends.

when people ask me what they should wear to a photoshoot (i'm a family and occasionally, a wedding photographer) i always tell them to wear what they love because if you love what you're wearing you feel comfortable and if you're comfortable you're automatically more available for show up for the photoshoot. believe me, it makes a difference.

a tip from the experts at northwestern university? in the morning ask yourself how you want to feel that day then put the clothes on that will help you get there. you know those lds families where they all wear church clothes all day and don't change when they get home? (i've 100% never done this and have perhaps, on occasion, mocked those people) turns out they were on to something. (i hate that)

this is what we should be telling our young women: your clothes are supposed to help you feel good about yourself. pick the clothes you love. pick the clothes that define you. think about how you want to be defined. think about who you really are. think about what you want to accomplish, where you want to end up, who you want to be with. dress for the job you want. dress for the life you want.

more resources, here. and here. and here.