miriam beth

                                       -julie b beck, acting general relief society president "remembering, repenting, and changing" in April 2007

dear loved ones,

today is the first saturday in october. in mormonland (ldsland) this means one thing: cinnamon rolls, i mean, general conference. general conference, for those of who don't know, is when all the leaders of the lds church gather and they give talks and sermons and those talks and sermons are broadcast live and all the mormons sit in their living rooms in their pajamas and eat cinnamon rolls and watch. usually it's suchh a treat to have the day "off" and have church at home, but after nearly seven months in quarantine, it actually feels like normal life, but it's still pretty special. except for when it's not. 

sometimes it is painful. sometimes you sit there without your husband because he doesn't care about church stuff at all and you feel alone and lonely and perhaps like you even did something wrong because you were SUPPOSED to marry a cute returned missionary who loved god more than he loved you. sometimes you sit there with your kids and they are hellions and you feel like they should be listening you should be feeling the spirit and now you are a failure as a mother. sometimes there is only one female speaker at the meeting FOR WOMEN and so you must sit there and listen to men tell you what it is to be a woman in the church and the world. and sometimes you hear things that simply aren't true. 

i'm not supposed to say that last part. i'm really not. i'm supposed to say that everything is true. everything is revelation. everything from that pulpit is as if it is from god's own voice, but my friends, MY FRIENDS. did you read that quote above? president beck got a few things mixed up. sometimes people can hold too many things in the same bowl and mark that bowl "truth" and we don't realize that there's another bowl, labeled "tradition", and a lot of the truth is actually just tradition. sister beck is telling us about tradition. it's fine to make mistakes. it's sad when our mistakes hurt others. but can i tell you a truth?

COFFEE is not going to make you a bad parent. and your children choosing a life outside of your religion does not mean you were a bad parent. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. (sorry president beck. I really do love you and appreciate some of your other talks)

let me tell you what the lord wants you to do: LOVE YOUR GOD. and LOVE EACH OTHER. not all have temple recommends. not all wear your garments day and night even when you exercise and even when you do yard work and even when you have sex. not have eagle scouts for sons and daughters with the personal progress medallions. he wants you to parent like the prodigal son's dad: when you see your wayward, confused, tired, sick child returning from what turned out to be a very bad idea you roll out the fatted calf and you call all the neighbors to come over for a celebration. you RUN to greet him and you THROW YOUR arms around him. don't make him come in the side door and shake your head as you let him back into his old room on new conditions. ROLL IT OUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY CHILD IS HOME. 

can I say it again, for the people in the back? LOVE. THE. SHIT. OUT. OF. YOUR. CHILDREN. 

make that baby a place at the table even when he isn't home. tell him you wish he'd come home for dinner, wearing a tank top so he can show off his latest tattoos. tell her to bring that girlfriend she'd been living with. WHATEVER YOUR CHILDREN DO WITH THEIR LIVES IS THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS. got it? how you love them is yours. so get to work and love them. 

do you honestly think at the end of the day the lord is going to be like, yeah, but how many were temple worthy their entire lives? and when you say none he's going to be all, man, i wish i hadn't sent those kids to you. sister _______ would have been way better at parenting them. then they all would have made it to the temple. 

NO. do you know what he's going to say? number 2 was a difficult to child, wasn't he? and you are going to start crying and be like YES HE WAS WHY DID YOU SEND HIM TO ME. and he'll be like, because i trusted you. AND ALSO THERE ARE A LOT OF DIFFICULT CHILDREN AND I HAD TO SPREAD THEM OUT YOU WEREN'T SUCH A SHOWBOAT YOURSELF, DEARIE.

they're his kids, too, and he decided to send them to this earth experience with a VEIL and AGENCY. 

take those babies home. love them. live your life the best you can. remember that faith and loyalty and humility and gratitude and love--true, real, godly love, will get you where you need to go. practice all of it with and on your children. and let them journey with god in their own way. 

and if you are the woman president beck was talking about and you needed to drink coffee to get through the day because you had ten children and the mcdonald's drive thru with it's large dr pepper that only costs $1.07 doesn't exist yet then by golly, mama, get to work and work it out with god on your own time. it's not my business. 

if my children grow up and decide to be nudists or buddhists that is not my business. it does not mean i wasn't perfect enough. perfect parenting doesn't mean you end up with children that bend to your will. coffee will not ruin a family. a mother who doesn't go to the temple isn't immediately guilty for children who don't stay faithful. god doesn't shut your children out because you didn't everything perfectly right. and the spirit doesn't show up because you battle with your own imperfections.

do i even need to say this last part? parenting is hard. marriage is hard. existing as an individual is HARD. if you are trying your best, your best is good enough. that is literally the message of the gospel. JESUS SAID. give what you've got to him and he will make it enough. parent those babies with him. he gets it. and keep loving them. i'd like to remind you that HE KEEPS LOVING YOU.

also, sometimes conference is hard. sometimes it is painful. and sometimes you need to turn it off and take a walk as a family and remember that even if your husband isn't interested, even if you didn't feel a whisper of the spirit, even if your cinnamon rolls were from a can and they burned, this is just a bad day not a bad life. and there is still a LOT to love in all of this imperfection. i pray this morning for all of us bitterly meeting the imperfection face to face today that we will not let it tell us how hopeless we are. 

love you all.