miriam beth

there are scratches on my arm from the roof. it's because i was standing-- very precariously, on the arms of the chair in order to be closer to the roofline because i was trying to get the cat down. not because i thought the cat was in danger--i didn't. it's because he'd been standing at the certain spot for quite some time crying for someone to come get him and ava and kate were desperate for someone to rescue him.

"he'll figure out a way to come down," i said, ignoring their pleas (this is before i stood on the chair). "he figured out how to get up there and he can figure out how to get down."

kate tried standing on the trampoline with her arms outstretched. the cat leaned out, sniffing toward her hands. he did not jump. he cried instead and kate looked as though her heart was going to break. that's when i went and got the chair and stood on it. and ned (the cat) came trotting over to the edge of the roof, right within reach except when i went to scoop him up he jumped back, just out of reach. i stopped reaching as far. ned came closer. i reached out quickly to grab him. he slipped out of my fingers. i cursed his silky soft fur and his stupid lithe body. this is when i scratched myself. i stepped off the chair. the cat, i announced, could figure it out on his own.

kate and ava remained steadfast, staring up at the skinny black cat who paced. they called him. they offered encouragement. they begged ryan to help. he refused. at last ned jumped to a tree and then climbed down. the girls held him tightly and kissed him until he did his low back-of-the-throat growl he does when he doesn't like how hard we're trying to domesticate him. they let him go. he ran right back up the tree and jumped to the roof.

ned.

am i ned? when i am troubled am i actually just crying about my current circumstances without realizing how small they actually are, without realizing that a solution is just two feet away in the form of a tree--the very tree i used to most likely get myself stuck on the roof in the first place? when i find myself "trapped" should i really just be calming down and handling things?

probably.

turns out I'm ned. that's fine, i guess.

(but is it?)