it was after my first semester of college, when i'd learned of a lot of allergies, that i sort of...collapsed. it was the day after christmas. I made it to the couch and then I don't really remember moving much except on new years day we went to the rose parade. i was tired. so tired.
'i'll perk up when school starts back up.' I told myself. but, it did not. I remember flying out to Utah for a long weekend when my sister had her baby. i stayed in bed for hours and hours. i wasn't necessarily sleepy, i was just drained. it was too much effort to think. too much effort to try and get up. and so much effort to do something dishes or laundry.
'this is just a slump.' i told myself, iI'll snap out of it soon.' but i did not.
i noticed that it was more than exhaustion...it was disinterest. it was apathy. it was starting to feel like depression, but without any sadness, or without any suicidal thoughts. i mentioned it to ryan. i told him i figured it would pass with time. it was march before i finally admitted something i was afraid to admit: this was not going away. it was getting worse. and it might be depression.
ryan did a little research and then suggested it was my thyroid, more specifically, that is was hashimotos disease, which is an autoimmune disorder. my doctor suggested that i improve my diet and also take a synthetic hormone. also, she urged, keep your stress levels down. we moved two weeks later.
so here's what i know about Hashimoto's disease:
it was named by the Japanese doctor who discovered it.
it is my body being confused and attacking my thyroid, keeping it from releasing the hormones that help me with my metabolism. my body is doing this due to intolerances to food, and stress.
it is also my body being confused and killing the hormones that help me with my metabolism. so if my body does manage to release any hormone my body is breaking it down.
it is exasperated by diet, but also stress. so finals weeks are particularly exhausting.
my hashimotos symptoms are the following:
-being freezing cold. all the time. like sweatshirt under a blanket with fuzzy socks still freezing. the semester before i was diagnosed i sat in the front row of my class and shivered until my teacher, out of concern for me, asked me to switch sweats. it did not help. i survived that class wearing a sweatshirt and a jacket the entire semester.
-aching. in my joints, mostly. sometimes it's overwhelming. sometimes it's every time i work out and it lasts for days. sometimes it's just all the time.
-brain fog. this feel like i can't think correctly. sometimes i can't think of words, sometimes i mix words up, and sometimes it's like my brain is trying to roll a large door closed on my thoughts and i'm struggling to keep it open and let the thoughts get through. it hits hardest during finals week, the holidays, and when we're about to leave on vacation. definitely seems to be stress related.
-hair loss. it's one of the first symptoms. and nails, too. they get really dry and brittle.
-lack of motivation. ability to sit for extended periods of time and not move, or think, or feel, or desire, or anything. i could do this with a thousand dirty loads of laundry all around me and starving children begging for food. doesn't matter. i. just. can't.
other symptoms i hear about from other people: weight gain, swelling, puffy eyes, depression, constipation, muscle weakness
what do i do? i take my medicine. it's a synthetic hormone that makes up for the hormone my body is no longer making, or for what is getting destroyed by my body after it's made.
i manage my diet. most of the time i choose to eat a dairy-free, gluten-free diet, egg-free diet. i also avoid corn, soy, and sugars.
i manage my stress levels to the best of my abilities. that means i exercise. i seek time for myself. i try not to drink too much caffeine so my adrenals don't get overworked (sometimes i am terrible at this).
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