we arrived on a wednesday night, ready for the new student orientation on thursday morning. we got there early. we didn’t need to get their early. we waited in the car to not look so eager and to therefore appear cooler. orientation took all day. ava navigated it all on her own, down to finding the car i was waiting in, parked in a completely different spot because i needed some shade. we rushed to her room and unloaded boxes, but weren’t able to unpack because of a little mix-up with the roommate over which bed was which (this is very important for insurance purposes). we rushed to trader joe’s to get the college student some dinner and snacks. then i dropped her off at her dorm so she could run off with all the other college students to do something school-spirited. i drove to my aunt's house, where i was staying. ava texted me about midnight to say she’d unpacked a few things and made her bed with her brand-new sheets.
just like that. all done. dropped off. launched.
when this particular child was 18 months she was old enough to go to nursery and ryan and i, brand new to this new parenting experience, walked her over, ready for her to be scared, or lonely, or worried. she wasn’t. she walked right in, no big deal, and she didn't look back.
it was the same to drop her off at college and i kept picturing it in my head, little ava, with her little blonde head walking right in and not looking back.
no big deal.
it’s wonderful. it’s comforting. the child is capable (of course she’s capable!). the child is going to be fine (of course she’s going to be fine!). but it just feels like this is supposed to be something i'm here for.
once again ryan and i are left behind at a threshold we are not meant to cross as our child marches forth beyond us.
we miss her. the house is quieter, it’s bigger, there’s more food. everyone's fine.
she’s pretty great.
(44 days until thanksgiving)
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